One of the many benefits of raising a family in the San Francisco Bay Area is the rich blend of cultural traditions represented within the diverse population. We have the privilege of interacting with those of differing cultures on a daily basis both within our workplace and neighborhoods. That gift is extended to our children where the exposure to diversity in culture and thought spawns an openness and empathy for others. Classrooms are increasingly diverse, reflecting the community dynamic where families work and play. Our children’s circle of friends is more diverse than it was even a generation ago. In many respects, children may be ahead of their parents regarding their exposure to cultural differences. Even so, the strongest influence on a child’s values and life perspective come from lessons taught in the home. It is the role of parents to prepare children to live, learn, and work in an ever-increasingly diverse society. Teaching tolerance not only means teaching respect, openness, and empathy, it also provides key ingredients to success in today’s and tomorrow’s world: the ability to understand, appreciate, and work with others.
About Tolerance
The concept of tolerance has come to refer to an attitude of respect and openness for the differences that exist between people including ethnic and religious differences, differing sexual and gender identities, socio-economic differences, and those with physical or intellectual challenges. Tolerance, not only is the acceptance of others, it values differences and rejects stereotypes. It is rooted in the commonalities that bind us together as it seeks to bridge cultural gaps.
How Tolerance Is Taught
Parents who model and display tolerance within the walls of their own homes will teach children to appreciate differences in, and among, others. Everyday actions of parents — in both word and deed — provide the model of acceptance and openness for children’s dealings outside the home. Modeling is more powerful than teaching. Children mirror those attitudes and behaviors of those they care about. Tolerance is taught in overt and subtle ways. Be cognizant of the atmosphere created within the walls of your own home.
How Parents Can Model Tolerance
Challenge Yourself: Notice Your Own Attitudes
Children are always listening. Attitudes of tolerance can be undone by thoughtless comments. Parents should take the time to evaluate whether they are sending the right messages to their children. Are we demonstrating attitudes of respect or are we sending subtle negative messages through nuanced language and actions? Be mindful that children pick up on subtleties in behavior such as body language. Is inclusiveness demonstrated in close interpersonal adult relationships? Are we modeling the types of behaviors we hope to see in our children? When we convey positive messages in our homes, we are also simultaneously communicating to our children of our love and acceptance for them. Stand up and speak out when you witness intolerance in front of your children, both inside and outside your home.
Challenge Stereotypes
Parents can teach tolerance in their homes by making efforts to correct cultural stereotypes. There are many stereotypes that are maintained through certain media outlets and other institutions, which do not foster positive attitudes. When parents encounter such situations, it is their duty to assertively educate children of the falsehoods and misrepresentations that are being perpetuated. Selecting books, music, art, toys, and videos with an eye towards promoting tolerance and valuing differences can counter the negative effects of the media and pop culture on shaping children’s attitudes. Be aware of the programs that your children watch and be available to discuss attitudes that promote prejudices and hurt.
Value Differences within your own Family
The best place to teach respect and positively acknowledge differences is in our own homes. It is the most important environment for children to learn tolerance and inclusiveness. Demonstrating acceptance of children’s differing abilities, interests, and innate individual preferences signals to children that they are accepted and valued, not despite those differences, but because of them. By valuing the uniqueness of each member of the family, parents adopt the open-minded philosophies that are at the heart of tolerance. A child feeling accepted and respected for being themselves in their own homes translates to children who are likely to adopt the same open-mindedness towards others.
Encourage Conversation: Answer Questions Honestly and Respectfully
As with many of the loaded topics parents face, there may be an inclination to “wait” for the teachable moment when a parent feels a child is ready to learn. This isn’t the best strategy when it comes to teaching tolerance. Children are inquisitive. They notice differences between people. Adults, however, are the ones guilty of ascribing malice to simply noticing cultural or racial differences. Remarking about differences is not the problem: parental silence is. When parents avoid conversations, they do not prepare children for what may come their way. Misguided censorship, for whatever reason, can signal to children that something is bad. And, the move from bad to biased can be a fairly quick one.
Parents can provide the tools to help, even young, children understand these complicated social constructs. Talk to your child about the world and all of the people in it. Bring books and movies into your home that reflect various cultures, including rich heritages and customs. Provide them the confidence to ask questions when they are confused. And, when those questions are asked, answer them honestly and respectfully. It is important to attempt these questions even when you feel as though you don’t have “good” answers. Remember, a parent’s silence can signal that it is not okay to talk about differences or uncomfortable topics.
Foster Self-Esteem
When children feel positive about themselves and their place in the world, they are less likely to feel threatened by the differences of others. As previously stated, a child who feels their differences accepted and affirmed in their own homes is more likely to feel self-confident and validated. Children who are secure in their own identities are more comfortable exploring new ideas or debating opposing points of view. A child who feels negatively about himself will often treat others badly. When children feel respected, valued, and accepted, they are more likely to treat others with the same level of respect and embrace and value differences in others.
Honor Family Traditions and Cultural Heritage
A wonderful way to reinforce tolerance is to place value on cultural traditions, starting with your own. Longstanding cultural and religious traditions passed down from previous generations can provide a sense of belonging to family members. Family traditions also provide the perfect framework to teach and explore the cultural traditions of others. Understanding and experiencing cultural heritage as a source of pride allows children to expand upon their experiences and respect those cultural traditions outside their own.
Helen Keller once stated, “The highest result of education is tolerance.” When parents encourage a tolerant attitude in their children, talk about their values, and model the behavior they would like to see by treating others with respect and kindness, they are providing an education and the tools that will promote acceptance, respect, and fashion a successful society.
